Thursday, December 16, 2010

Tis the Season..........Kind of.

Psst, come here, I want to tell you a secret.

I hate this time of year, truly and honestly, for the last 3 years it has slowly gotten worse. This year my feelings about it may have hit an all time low.

I have a list, if you care to read it.

1. Christmas music, novelty Christmas songs should be banned, they were funny once, now not so much. And as for some of the traditional songs well they suck too. for example "I'll be home for Christmas", well, no I won't be I'll be at Mom's, and while it is "home" in a sense, it is not my home really, I rent the place I live in so, I won't be there either. Christmas morning, there will not be that moment when my kids wake me up to see what "Santa" has brought them, they will be doing that with their mother. With luck and planning, I'll get to see them later in the day. Just like last year, So I'm planning on getting up about 1/2 an hour before I go get them.

2. Gift giving, if it is like last year will cause heartache for the weasels of death. Just before the holiday, my brother decided that "to save you money" our kids were not going to exchange gifts, that in itself would have been alright if we were not all together at Mom's for the gift exchange, and my kids and his did not exchange anything, The boys felt like crap about this, and let me know in no uncertain terms how they felt. If recent conversation with my brother is any indication, the same thing may happen this year.

3. The total lack of planning by anyone in my family, right now, the boy's mom and I are still ironing out the details of the holidays, as youngest has a hockey tournament right in the middle of Christmas break. I have no idea right now when I am getting them, and If I get them on Christmas day, then I have to let my brother know as soon as possible as he and his wife always have the family for dinner on Christmas day. My sons have never been there for this, and it involves a large gathering of family, and some of them have not met my kids and I don't want any pressure on my boys to have to behave to other people's impossible standards. Plus, if my brother does not want gifts exchanged between our kids, but everyone else is doing it, it will create a whole new level of awkward for my sons.

4. Feeling like i have to put on some fake, cheery personality so that I "don't ruin anyone Else's day" F***k that, what about my day? It would be nice if one time some one said "This day must be hard for you" Yeah, it is, between my desire to have the boys on Christmas morning, to wanting to get them what they want, without having to worry about money, to feeling as though I somehow failed them, to hoping that people will not push subjects on them that they do not want to discuss, and have made clear that they don't, to wanting everyone to just get along, I have enough to deal with without worrying about how I am feeling could ruin someone Else's Christmas. How about everyone else doing things to make me feel better?

5. Pressure about Church on Christmas Eve. I do not like going at the best of times, Christmas Eve service is the worst, there are too many people, no parking, people who do not seem to understand that there is a service earlier in the evening for those with younger kids ( the service ends at midnight, kids who are not in double digits should be at home, in bed, visions of sugar plums etc.)
I hate going, and when it is over, I want to leave, I do not want to have a conversation with people I only see once a year, I just want to go to bed.

6. People, everywhere, the mall, the roads, just everywhere. I get it , you need to shop, but for the love of everything, try to have some manners, just because you failed to plan crap out and waited for the last minute to do something, does not mean I have to suffer. Nor should the people who work in the stores. Here is a hint, the girl working the cash has absolutely no control over the inventory of the store, chances are there are no more in the back, if they are out, they are out, asking for a manager will not change that, freaking out won't either, I have seen some pretty bad behavior on the part of some people who are supposed to be adults, grow up, and on that note, the same with the gaggles of teens in the malls and stores, I get it your friend sent you a text, and OMG, you have to respond right away, in the mall walking and texting is like driving and texting, you cannot do both and see where you are going, bumping(or crashing) into me and glaring at me, just gets you the stink eye. I have better things to do than watch out for your sorry ass. And, there are lines everywhere, especially in the food court, if you are in line for 5-10 minutes before you order, this would be a good time to make up your mind, if you can't then you fail at life.

7. The endless loop of charity commercial for those organisations that send relief overseas, I get it, believe me, I have been to a few of those places, but there is a great deal of people right here, in this country that need our help too, why not clean up our own yard first.

Bah Humbug!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Crap Crap crappity crap

You know how people say things happen in threes (mostly bad)?

Well I know the feeling after this week.

a few bullet points

1) I had an MRI on my head last week, turns out there is a 1.8cm growth in there, lucky me!
2) car faile the MVI (motor vehicle inspection, required every 2 years) going to take a whole ton of money to fix, money I just don't have a way of producing.
3) I am alone again won't go into details here, just to say I. AM. CRUSHED.

So what the hell, Universe? Why is it that just when I feel like I am doing ok the fates have to conspire against me?

I had plans for this winter, to hopefully avoid the depressive state that last winter put me into. I was going to play hockey for the first time in years, well that is a no go, no money for equipment, plus it now costs to play, something new I guess, so that option is out.

As for the POS car, it is not really worth the monry to fix it, but since I consolodated some debt, to lower interest charges, and reduce monthly payments, I owe too much to get rid of the damn thing, so I am stuck with it.

The house that the EX and I share is not selling, so until it does, my monthly load keeps growing.

The weight of all of this is like a beast on my chest, taunting me. Just the way sleep does right now, it is there I can feel it but it remains elusive like sand through my fingers, easy to touch, but hard to grasp and hold on to.

Christmas is fast approaching, and I have little to no funds for gifts, right now I don't even feel like celebrating. I am alone 90% of the nights at home, I asked if I could get a pet but was met with a resounding no. Not even a cat. yippee.

Part of me wants to stay in bed for the rest of my life, it would be easier.

Gotta go now, and try to find a) extra cash or b) a way to dump the 7 year old 200000+ km car for something newer.

Wish me luck.

Friday, September 17, 2010


Now I can't shut up 3 posts in a day!

I have 2 sisters D who is older, and S who is younger (40 on Monday!)

D you are one of the nicest and caring people I know, throughout the last 3 years of crap that my life has become, you have been there for me. Every time, no question, you have given me a place to lean on and go to for support, you, and M and N have been awesome to me, putting up with my moodiness and self-pitying to the point I would have thought you were sick of me by now.

You have responded when I have needed you to, and gone above and beyond at times. When everything crashed around me a few months back you came, took son3 for the weekend and helped with things that I would not have expected anyone to do. You take the family thing seriously and have been so supportive to me that I don't think I can ever thank you enough.

You are a great mom, and that can be seen in N, your son,who is one of the best people I know.
You were my friend when we were younger, and are still one of my best friends now.

I thank you for your support, your friendship and your help through everything, you are one of the best.

S, you are my younger sister, my friend and my sounding board, no matter how crappy I feel about my life, you have always managed to get me to see the silver lining. At times, you have been my saviour although, I don't think I ever told you how much this has meant to me.

You and I have shared friends that we both cherish, and you helped to steer me back to them when I needed to find myself again. Once more, I can never repay the debt I feel I owe you.

To both of you Thanks, and I love you.


Well 2 posts in one day, after my unplanned hiatus of more than 2 months.

The summer was good, time spent with family and friends. and the boys all seems to be going well.

I have to say something now because I have tried to do this face to face, but it never comes out the way i want it to, so maybe this way will work.

You are my brother, and by some twist of fate, 3 years to the date, I arrived on your 3rd birthday, kind of like a delayed twin. sort of.

I looked up to you when we were kids, still do. When we were kids, I was awed by your seemingly easy ability to make friends, and keep them, me not so much, I have a few from my childhood that I still am in contact with, but you have kept some of yours longer.
You have always been the one in charge, the one who appears larger than life at times, both intimidating and welcoming at the same time.

In my early teens, I used to love going with you and dad to watch your hockey games, you were an inspired goaltender fun to watch and you loved the game still do. Even though, I question your choice of teams to follow.

As time progressed, we drifted, I was a bit different in High School, and went a different way than most, I joined the army, and in your way, you supported that.

When my life imploded 3 years ago, you let it be, for awhile, until you felt the need to say something. Or I asked you.

I see you with your kids, and you are patient , kind and tender, everything I wish that I was. Your love for them shines through, as does your love for your wife. Big Brother, I still look at you as a role model for my life. You roll with the punches and move on in a way that I wish could.

When everything crashed around me a few months back, you rose to it, you stepped in where a few people would dare, and allowed me to lean when I needed, and kicked my into motion when I needed that too. You helped me and my family pick up the pieces and get our lives moving again, no words that I could say can convey my thanks.

Whenever I have needed you, you have been there, no worries, and no hassle.

Thank you M, for being the brother I need, And If I haven't said it enough I'll say it now.
Love you


I have put off writing this post for some time. As it has been difficult.
I have started, scrapped, restarted and rewrote this more times than I am willing to admit.

Boy1(or Son1) turned 16 almost a month ago. That can give you an Idea of how hard it has been for me to write this for him. enough procrastinating. I am just going to let it flow.

You came into this world 16 years ago, I wasn't sure if I was ready to be a father. You didn't really give me a choice. You were beautiful, handsome and perfect. I still feel that way.
You and I do not always have the best relationship. I know that, and I am trying to fix what I think may be the cause. Don't worry, I am pretty sure it is me not you.
You are brilliant and in some ways wiser than your years. You march to the beat of your own drummer. What is trendy or in right at the moment does not really matter to you. If you like something than you do not care what other people think. Technology fascinates you, you are drawn to the world of computers like a moth to a flame. You are creative and talented, what I have seen you do and create still amazes me, that you seem to have skills far beyond others of your age.

You are loyal and the friends you have made you are true to.
While I know that this new life has not been easy for you, you seem to be coping , and slowly flourishing .

While your birth made me a father, the past 16 years with you (and your brothers)
have made me a Dad.

Happy belated birthday, may you have many more.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Old Friends

Some time has gone by since I last saw one of my oldest friends, J. J. and I go back to middle school, some 30 years ago. I haven't seen him in 10 years. Even though I lived in the same city as him for the last year, I found the thought of connecting with him hard to take. don't ask me why just did that's all.

In a rare moment of clarity, i decided to call and visit
I meant it to be a quick catch up say hi, see how things went , and take it from there.

Right , seven hours flew by and it was time well spent.

The need to connect with someone other than family must have been stronger than i thought.

Much laughter was had. nostalgia kicked in, talk of old friends who I lost touch with. and some what painful reminders of life in grade 9. where the largest kid in our class thought nothing of stuffing me in the shop room garbage can on a somewhat regular basis. Ahhh........good times.

I wish I could tell you that I was innocent here, and merely a victim, but.... how much of a victim could you be if you antagonize the hell out of someone every chance you get?

I was a wee bit mouthy when i was younger.......wonder where the boys get it.

A quick funny part, maybe not so much, depends on your point of view, funny to me now, not so much then.

We were in math class, which was on the second floor of the school, right above our homeroom, and i was minding my own business ( no really, you gotta take my word for this). Our math teacher was a tad, oblivious, say and when her back was turned, the aforementioned garbage can stuffer, me being the stuffee after all, proceeded to launch, or rather slide my a** out the window. Good thing it was winter, and fresh snow helped.

Now imagine my surprise when our homeroom teacher, a less than stellar example of the profession, caught me on my way back in and proceeded to give me a weeks detention? Did I mention he was the shop teacher?, and that detention meant sweeping out the wood shop floor.

Imagine free child labour, could a teacher even do that these days??

Back to J. He and I were pretty thick for a while, he moved before high school, we kind of lost touch, and then reconnected in our early 20's lost touch when I moved, reconnected briefly, and then reconnected again last night.

as we sat there talking, I saw the old me, the one before all the drama of the past few years, glimmer briefly. While I know the old me may not come fully back, I do realize that the new me that will come out of this (hopefully like a Phoenix from the ashes) may be able to still have the best of the old me. Like software, the new me will probably be like me 2.0 (beta)

So to J. If you are going to read this, thanks for being there last night, and thanks for not quitting on me like I feared so many would do.

Old Friends

Monday, July 5, 2010

Four Years


Have four years really gone by since that day?
It somehow seems longer, but at the same time, shorter.

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you.

I wish you were here to talk to, especially given my current situation. There are things I would want to ask you.

Your grandchildren are amazing, I hope that ou can see them and keep an eye on them. In spite of the chaos of the past year or so they are growing in to fine young men. You would be proud. They all miss you too, in their own ways. Boys are funny like that. when you least expect it something they remember about you comes out.

You were the father I needed when I needed him, does that even make sense? At times when I was growing up, somehow, you were right where I need you to be, saying or doing what I needed.

I was not an easy teenager, not a bad kid, no police trouble or drugs, but I know I was a right moody little S**t at times, and I lashed out at you when I proably shouldn't have. But you were still always there for me.

I have great memories of you with your grandchildren, pictures in my mind and in my heart that spin a tale better than my words can. you were a survivor.

As I got older, moved away, and had kids of my own, our relationship changed, you became something I needed again at times. I still haven't figured out what that is yet, but I think at times, I need it now.

Miss you Dad, Have a cold one for me today, I'll have one for you.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

I wonder what the legality of this is?

There are certain celebrities out there , that the mere mention of them gets under my skin.

Some of them are has-beens, one time "A" listers who have slipped off the radar, others are fringe celebrities, famous for something they may have done or been associated with. Others are wannabes, celebrities only because the media has made them that.

I just do not think that they deserve the attention that they get, or that even one more minute of the collective public's time, or television, or internet, or magazines, or whatever media you use should be given to them.

With this in mind, I have a solution. It's based on Survivor, with a twist.

Instead of voting each other off the island, the public gets to vote one of them off of the planet, every week, the last one standing, gets a second chance at fame and stardom, but the 1st time they become a public nuisance. they are relegated to an isolated island, with no Paparazzi to document their every move.

Whaddya think?

Here is my list for the first round.

Kate Gosselin. I think the public as a whole is fed up with her, don't feel bad for her, she helped create the situation she is in.

Lindsay Lohan, after all a good train wreck is hard to keep your eyes from.

Heidi and Spencer Montag. I mean why are they even celebrities?

Gordon Ramsay, Maybe he is a great chef, but I don't think he is as good as he thinks. And while Hell's Kitchen is entertaining, I can belittle and curse at people just as well as he can.

Sarah Palin. Just the right touch of attractive and crazy.
plus I think she has the skills to gut and skin another contestant if need be.

Any of Michael Jackson's brothers, or possibly his father. I don't think I need to elaborate on this.

Tiger Woods or Jesse James. Tiger, your professional life seems to be imploding as much as your personal life right now. Jesse, what were you thinking?

Eric Estrada.....enough said right there.

Joan Rivers only because she does not even look real anymore.

Jon Gosselin for 2 reasons 1) there would be some interesting drama between you and Kate, and 2) because you both deserve to be kicked off the planet for what you have put those kids through.

That's just the ones that come to mind right now, I am sure there are others.

Who would you want on the list?

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Please Stop

I am not the most fashion forward guy out there, I know this but, I have to say, I don't think my kids are too embarrassed to be seen with me in public. I do look like a J. crew, or Old Navy, or Abercrombie ad at times, but I like clothes that fit well and are comfortable.

That being said, there are a couple of things I would never wear.

Exhibit a Crocs

Unless you are a baby or smaller child on the beach, or gardening, leave these off or at home.

Fanny packs should never be worn, by anyone, period, ever, seriously If you are a guy, get a wallet, or carry a backpack, women, get a nice purse. Wearing a fanny pack makes it seem to me that you just don't care how you are perceived, plus, when you have to dig through it to find anything, it takes forever. Just don't.

Pajama pants should only be worn if you are a) going to bed, b) are in bed c) just got out of bed, or d) are lounging around the house.

They are not for wear in public, quit being lazy and get dressed.

I have told the boys that I will never wear these items out in public. If I do they may pretend I am not with them. If I wear them in any combination, they have options

1. Ignore me and tell people they are not my kids
2. Kill me where I stand ( I consider this to be justifiable homicide, you know, for the public good)
3. Commit me to some kind of institution for the fashion lazy.

A couple of other notes.
skinny jeans and leggings/ spandex pants are a right not a privilege, if it is difficult to get them on, then don't please don't.

Boys, pull up your pants, the ass of the pants belongs on your ass, not by your knees.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010


No not the Disney flick

I'm talking about the real thing.

As Boy1 gets closer to driving age, I have begun thinking about trying to replace my car.

because it is one of these.

While it has been fairly reliable ( I'm Going to jinx myself). The last few months have seen about $900 put into it, and it is after all six years old.

Really, I want the boy to learn to drive something more solid, like I had too: like this:

Really, Dad thanks, I was a short arsed 16 year old and hated driving this thing and I'm pretty sure that it may have hated me too. In fact the first time I drove it I hit a concrete pole. Yay me.

The thing is I want him to feel safe as he learns, I did in that tank, hopefully he will too, but My little car is small, and low and I feel that he should learn to drive in a good sized, solid vehicle

Like this

Know where I can pick one up?

Monday, April 26, 2010

More music

It's funny to me, sometimes, how some songs can grab you unexpectedly.

The other day a friend of mine sent me a link to this song.

It's called "Highway 20 ride"
By the Zac Brown Band

go ahead listen, enjoy

Here are the lyrics.

I ride east every other Friday
and if I had it my way
the day would not be wasted on this drive.
and I want so bad to hold you
son, there’s things I haven’t told you
your mom and me couldn’t get along

so I drive, and I think about my life
and wonder why, that I slowly die inside
every time I turn that truck around
right at the Georgia line
and I count the days
and the miles back home to you
on that highway 20 ride.

The day might come you’ll realize
That if you see thru my eyes
There was no other way to work it out
And a part of you might hate me
But son please don’t mistake me
For a man that didn't care at all

And drive, and I think about my life
And wonder why, that I slowly die inside
Every time i turn that truck around
right at the Georgia line
And I count the days
and the miles back home to you
On that highway 20 ride.

So when you drive,
and the years go flying by
I hope you smile,
if I ever cross your mind
It was the pleasure of my life
And I cherished everytime
And my whole world
it begins and ends with you
on that highway 20 ride

Whoa 20 ride
Whoa 20 ride
Highway 20 ride.
and I ride..

It just sums up my life right now

Wednesday, April 7, 2010


It's a scary word. I'm not just talking about the generic "I'm feeling blah today" stuff. But the bigger stuff. The "I can't be bothered to care about anything, why should I even get out of bed, I feel like a huge weight is on my back, chest, shoulders etc, kind of stuff.

For me that's what it feels like, why bother, going anywhere, doing anything, seeing anyone. I could care less. At least 95% of the time that is how I feel.

When my world imploded, I felt it happening, bit by bit, I lost myself, sinking into the spiral of negative thoughts, emotions and actions. How can life be OK if I feel I lost all that mattered.

Try and tell people about these feelings and you get one of three reactions.( That I have noticed, anyway, feel free to add your own.)

1. Dead silence as the person you are talking to tries to figure out if you are kidding or not. this silence may be followed by a quick, unrelated change of subject (how about them Yankees?)

2. Unsolicited advice..."if you just went out to try and meet new people or do something it would be better". That's laughable, really, did you just not hear me say I could care less about that, and my motivation for that is so low it does not even register?

3. Empathy and understanding, small nods of the head, encouraging smiles, people who will tell you to hang on , they will help, it will get better, some people who will let you rant at the world, and realize, that it is after all just a rant and you need to vent. These people are gold.

In some ways I have been lucky, I have a great family, Mom, M, D, and S have been there with me riding the storm and throwing a lifeline when needed. I also have the luck of my nephew N, and his girlfriend E, who i live with and who save me from myself and are wise beyond their years sometimes. I also have the ladies I work with (no Names) who keep me grounded and help me to think. There are also friends, who instead of leaving, have risen and caught me when I needed it. Plus a lovely therapist M, who plays hardball with me and refuses to let me take the easy way out.

Then there are the boys, my sons, who, while I don't show it so well, have helped me find a little light at times, whose love I don't always feel I deserve, and I don't always show them the love and Joy I have for them, are still there, with crazy texts, weird phone conversations, and just plain random weirdness.

Boys know this, I love you with everything I have, I hold you in my thoughts daily. And even though your mother and I failed to stay together, I can sleep better at night knowing that 3 very awesome children are here because of us, and that is a good thing.

I'm not better yet, but I will be. If you are reading this, and you think you could be suffering, I urge you to seek help, until then I leave you with this.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

it's a circle really

Music, me and the boys. I know that it's a fact that one generation never will like the other generations music choices, at least not at the moment. Later in life, when tastes change, or appreciation comes in, maybe but at the moment there are some musical choices my boys have that make me cringe.

They like Billy Talent, and while I can say I like some of it, most of it sounds the same to me.
My taste runs more to Keith Urban. They also like AC DC which I can relate to, because who doesn't? But there has to be some kind of common ground, right?

When we travel together, They insist on plugging their Ipods into the car audio system ( I say that because it sounds better than, cheap ass factory radio). But I cringe every time, Some of the music they listen to just irritates me, like Dragonforce, or Alexis on Fire.

Boy2 though has wider tastes than the others though, a check of his IPod will turn up things like the aforementioned artists as well as things like Ozzy, and a point we can both agree on, The Beatles. Also he likes him some Eminem, which I can relate to, I like Eminem as well.

Other choices not so much, like The Beastie Boys, I cannot listen to them at all, I don't dislike rap as evidenced by the Eminem comment, but my taste in rap runs a bit harder, like Tupac, or Snoop Dogg, even old Ice-T. But some of the newer stuff just leaves me cold, and some of the older stuff by some artists is too dark. The boys have yet to hear any Tupac when they are with me. I think they aren't ready yet.

It is a circle though, I remember having to sit through Johnny Cash, Hank snow, Hank Williams (Sr that is) and others of that era of country music, and I'm sure my boys will reminisce about having to listen to Keith Urban, the Dixie Chicks, Brooks and Dunn, and Darius Rucker when they are older. I'm just playing a time honored ritual out.

On another note, can the media stop talking/telling us about Kate Gosselin? Isn't her 15 minutes up yet? The woman is vain, shallow, and narcissistic. I am tired of seeing her on magazines, and TV. Enough already. Show she had 8 kids, so her husband cheated on her, so they are getting divorced, so they were on a reality show, so what. The cheating on her / divorce happens to people every day, and they are not considered news. Why is she? I could care less what happens to her, even less about what happens to her on Dancing with the stars, she's not a star, she's just a celebrity, made famous by having a TV show about her kids. Big deal. I think her fame should be merely a footnote in TV history.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010


Just a quick post here.

I normally would not do this, but this is something I believe in strongly, not just about bunnies at Easter,but any pet at any time of year. Pets are family, not disposable items to throw away.

Check out this link make mine chocolate

and please think twice if you are planning a pet rabbit for Easter, bunnies are a lot of work.

The shelters are already overrun with them. and they are not for smaller kids, as if they are not held right they will squirm, and dopping a bunny(even by accident), can break its back.

just a thought about this.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010



You are the middle of three, the tall one, the funny one, whatever, people have many descriptions for you, but they never seem to cover who you really are.

You came into our lives 14 years ago, you were huge at over 11 lbs, and early, off the charts then, and off the charts now. At 14 you are taller then me already, when will it stop?

you are funny, witty, and sometimes just plain weird, but you are also the one that seems to have the greatest sense of wanting to know your family. You love skateboards, Bam Margera, Tony Hawk, and Shaun White, Ozzy, Billy Talent, and even the Beatles. Brew Barrymore and Mean Fox are in photos on your PSP. Can't say I blame ya for those 2.

You are also the one who seems to be having the hardest time with the whole separation/ divorce thing. You are angry, confused and frustrated. Wanting it to be finished, but scared to let the past go it seems, I know, I feel the same way too.

You are charming and charismatic, and seem to make friends everywhere you go, people love you.

You enjoy the spotlight, and richly deserve it, I believe that you are destined to be a star of some kind.

You have enriched my life, even if I don't get your strange humor at times. Thank you for being you.

Happy Birthday.

Thursday, February 18, 2010


I meant to post this last week, but didn't
so here goes.


12 years ago, you came into my life.
Even before you were born we knew you, because of a your kidneys, we knew you. Your mom and I got to pick your birth date. The day we picked that, was the day we gave you your name.

There was anticipation and fear as that date drew closer, you were loved and wanted. when you were born, and at least for the time being all was OK, it was a good thing. I was so relieved.

Fast forward 10 months later and you were about to get surgery, but you were sick beforehand, sick enough for us to go quickly to one of the best hospitals in the world ( at least IMHO). and see if they could make you right. they could and the surgery went through as planned.

Christmas eve, and you were relapsed, then airlifted back to the same hospital. No room for your mom or I, a quick packing job, and we followed. Your Grandma with us. I don't know if I ever told her, but at a few times , she kept me sane, focused on what I needed to do. Thank you.

A few days later( 1 week) you were OK. Your mom and I knew that there was going to be some testing on a yearly basis, for at least a little while. Even though I don't think you cared for all the testing every year, you bore it well, and when they said that you were not going to need it for a few years, it was a great relief for all of us. Even still, when you are sick, sometimes my heart skips and I worry that it could happen all again. You see, I thought we were going to lose you, and I was sure that I would never be able to bear that.

Now you are 12, I love the way you approach life, even though your brothers may not. You smile so easily, and enjoy things to the fullest. Even though I am a part-time parent now, and only see you on weekends, know this. I love you, and that can never change. You are one of the reasons, I can keep going on regardless of how much I feel life can suck right now.

Don't change too much. The world needs people like you.

Happy Birthday.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Idiots in snow

Well, Sunday saw me on my drive back home in a decent snowfall.

The 4 lane highway was down to really one lane in each direction, and 90% of the people who were on the road had lowered their speed considerably, you know, to adjust for the conditions.

the other 10% were just , plain, ignorant.

People, It's Sunday and snowing, unless you had a pressing need to get to whatever Superbowl Party you were attending, or it was a real emergency, then there is no real need to push your luck and the luck of others who share the road with you like this.

Truck drivers, you guys may be #1 on my list, when you pass people and you are so close to them, they could open their window and touch your rig, and then as you go by, the people in the car get the huge spray of crap from the road all over the window and can't see, you are creating a serious problem.

as for the other people who apparently have serious lives they have to get to, Plan accordingly. If the weather sucks, maybe you do not need to go anywhere, or if you do, plan ahead and give yourself more time. Going out into the snow covered passing lane and then cutting back in front of me when you are barely clear, makes me have to touch my brakes and skid a little, some of you self-centred d-bags are swerving everywhere. I swear I won't stop if you go in the ditch.
you deserve it.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Boys will be..........?

I know I haven't told you much about the boys yet, I have been debating just what to say in case someone who knows me, them, us stumbles across this and puts 2 and 2 together(although given the town they live in, the answer would not be 4 )

Lets begin Son1 is almost to the point of being able to drive, 15 going on 30. There are times when he seems older than his years, there are also times when he seems to be 3 years old. He is the mood barometer in the house. If there is tension, he feels it and gets crustier and crustier. The boy is brilliant, and he is also the one I have the most explosive relationship with. Now I don't mean that in a physical sense. He is very set on what he likes and does not see the need to have a more well rounded set of interests. This drives me crazy, because I do not want to talk to him about the same stuff over and over and over and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Sorry fell asleep there.

Son2 is the joker, the comedien in the family. I swear that this kid has been funny since he was born. He has a grat sense of humour, and has pretty decent timing in his delivery. He also is the most emotional of the lot of them. He wears his heart on his sleeve, and it is eaasy to tell when he has been wounded or slighted. He also has the greatest sense of family of the 3. However, his humor also tends to run to the more inappropriate side of things, and sometimes it is necessary to tell him to stop.

Son3 is the wild card. As i said in my last post, he choke slams the day into submission. he has a great zest for life and seems to be in constant motion, even when he sleeps it is an active rather than passive event. The boy is a tornado. The only problem is there are no trailer parks in the house, so he goes for the 2nd best targets , his brothers, Heaven help them if they do not keep one eye open for him. He is the absolute master of the sneak attack the Randy Orton of the house.

So there you have it the 3 boys who I would do aanything for. Hopefully I can pull some stories of them out of my memory for your enjoyment.

Thursday, January 28, 2010


Stealing a catchphrase from Degeneration X to start this off was easy.

not sure what i mean? Degeneration X are these guys.
Years ago, before marriage, kids, etc. I was a big fan of the WWF, now WWE.

Since moving in with N and E, I have begun watching again, and have begun a fan once more.
As interesting as it is to see the new stars, it is also cool too see the stars of the past , Shawn Micheals, Triple H, etc, still out there performing for the fans.

On the same note, N recently purchased Smackdown vs Raw for the Wii.
Arguably Best Game Yet. Waaay too much time has been wasted on this game by all of us.
the graphics are decent, there are multiple game modes you can play, storylines to create or follow. Highly addictive.

I guess wrestling has always been a guilty pleasure of mine growing up, one of our neighbours was for a brief time No-class Bobby Bass . He was nothing like his on-screen persona, he was a decent guy, and for a kid it was great to see the wrestlers I saw on TV, and a few times live, in my nieghbourhood.

Times are different now, I think Boy1's hero could be Steve Jobs the creator of Apple. Chances of him meeting him living where the boys do are slim. Son2 is a Tony Hawk, Bam Margera, Shaun White fan. I look forward to the olympics on tv to hopefully watch it with him and see Shaun White work his own particular brand of magic.

Son3 is a hockey fan, while I don't really think that he has any one player he Idolizes, He loves the Ottawa Senators, since he was old enough to follow them. He does however like Sidney Crosby, can't say I blame him, Crosby has enough talent for 2 people. I am a Boston Bruins fan, been so since I was a kid, blame Bobby Orr. Crosby, however can sway me, he is at times simply the most fun player to watch on the ice, and the way he carries himself off the ice is equally impressive.

Me? I have become a fan 0f a particular player #9 on the Warriors, also known as Boy3 or Son3.
He is not the greatest out there, but he plays hard, makes an honest effort evry game, and plays for the fun of it. a few weeks back he was picked as the most sportsmanlike player on his team for a tournament game, and I think that was just as important as MVP to him.

I love they way all 3 of them show their passion for what they love. Boy1 has an atitude of just not caring what others think about him, or what he likes. In some ways this annoys me, as I wish he could conform once in awhile, but at the same time, I amproud that he is his own person.
Boy2 is a tad more trendy, but not in a sheeplike kind of way, he is easily the goofiest kid I have ever met, He has an amazing sense of comic timing, and a great outlook on life. Boy3 is well, him. He is more everything than his brothers, louder, talkative, demanding, loving (AT Times). He approaches life with such energy that he doesn't just seize the day, he grabs it and choke-slams it

I wish I could do that

Maybe I'll have to learn.

Friday, January 22, 2010

And I'm Back

For the few of you who follow this, you may have noticed my absence.

It has been some time since I wrote anything, just trying to survive you know.
Time has been marching on at such a slow pace for me that it feels like i am moving in reverse.

LIfe just does that sometimes.
the boys are not always coping well with the way things are, but, I have hopes that they will survive, even if it feels that I won't

I'll post something upbeat soon, i promise