Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Five Years

Five years, really, has it been that long? Doesn't seem it.

In some ways it has a been a blink of an eye, In others, time has seemed to stretch out into the distance, not really passing.

Five years ago today, We lost you, after a long fight, just like that you were gone, I remember being in my kitchen when the phone rang, way too early in the day for good news and it wasn't, or it was, depending on your point of view.

You were at differing times, so many different things to me, father, confidant, friend, even adversary, at least on a few occasions. Like all relationships, it is hard to define the parameters of ours. As I grew older, the relationship changed, more trusting(on my part) more open. I began to see that in some ways, about somethings, you were right.

I remember the look on your face as you held your first grandchild, and then to see that look again with the others as they came into your world, you were so proud, and you loved them dearly. I remember also, when boy3 was going to need surgery, and how you helped me get through some of my fears, even though, I know that you were probably as scared as me.

I will always remember the smell of your cigars, even though, as a kid, I hated being in the car with you on long trips. The memory of you smashing your ball cap repeatedly on the boards when you coached hockey will always make me smile, even when I coached boy3 and found myself doing the same.

I see parts of you in M, and even more in his son, the same crooked smile, the same walk, certain mannerisms. Because of this you will live on, at least in some form.

You were one of our biggest supporters in our activities, you played taxi driver to me and my friends, and S and her friends from cadets for years. And when you passed, many of these same people gathered with us to say goodbye. Even some of the people you coached showed up to pay their respects, it was stirring to see the lives you touched.

When you passed, a void was created, I am not sure if I can fill it, but as time has passed, the memories of you are flooding that space, and making it a little less with each passing year.

I hope you can see us from where you are, and that you can watch as your grandchildren thrive and flourish.

Miss you Dad

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